The last 8 years

For the last 8 years I have been in some sort of relationship. This is not to say that I've had girlfriends back to back. Rather, I've had my eyes on someone and I've had someone set to speed dial 2 that I could call whenever I wanted. I've talked to people on several continents about this and I've had feedback that ranges from "You're codependent" to "You've always been alone." I think that I have been lonely for most of my life and relationships, especially the kind I find myself in, alleviate that. Also, I do take joy in making another persons life easier or better. I enjoy being needed.

I think I found another factor. I believe that, like most things, life is better when you're sharing it with someone. From the first moment that I started sharing my life with another being, I loved it. I saw a million ways that life becomes easier with a partner and knowing that someone cares for you is a special kind of comfort.

I've also noticed that between relationships the first thing I miss is hugs. I think that hugs are underrated. However, three months without a decent hug has made me realize the power of the uncommitted hug. When someone hugs me because they want to, rather than because they are in a position where that is expected, the hugs mean more. That doesn't mean that it fills my desire for emotional intimacy. But now I am aware that emotional intimacy is a need for me in my life. So, I'm not going to settle for anything less than first rate.

Side note: while I've seen some ways that the last 6 months has changed me, I am excited to see how they impact my next relationship. Predictions: slower, less initial trust, more of a resistance to force compatibility.