I should address the fact that it is Autumn. I have spent more Autumns outside of the country in which I was born than inside of it. Autumn is the season of my date of birth. Autumn has always been filled to the brim with joy and sorrow. Autumn is here and I'm dreading the sorrow that will undoubtedly come. Last year I spent Autumn basking in Spring, and that did not succeed in keeping sorrow at bay.

Lord, protect me.


I've kinda fallen off the blogging wagon. I'm sorry. I'll see what I can do about that.


Saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

To say something, anything, costs little. It can be as easy as a lie. But it is so much more complicated than considering what the "truth" is and what the words were. It isn't an easy subtraction where the ideal is that they are equal.
Woman: Does this make me look fat?
Man: No.

What is the truth? Is there a lie?

Is there truth? It's a complicated situation. The woman's question might not be only what it specifically asks. The man's answer might only answer the question he perceived that she was really asking. Or he might just be answering by reflex.

The problem is that we cannot tap into reality through our words with 100% fidelity.

Consider the words: "I love you." Do the words cause the reality or does the reality cause the words? The real answer is that neither is the case. It is possible to love with those words. One could say the words in the desperate hope that they are true. One could straight up lie about it. One could love but feel incapable of saying the words.

Sometimes it's important to say the words. Sometimes it's important for the reality to be there. But the words and the reality do not have any connection whatsoever except in the mind of the speaker and of the listener.

We deal with this by cutting up the words. Love, love, luv, <3, heart, lurve, and l-bomb are not all the same thing. But only because we're talking about different things. What we talk about and what is about us are as different as schooling and education.

I need people to trust me, to trust in me, and to be trusted by me. I also need people to express trust and trustworthiness. I know that they are different and I listen for them differently.

I will try one more way of talking about this because it still feels so muddled.

I stand at bus stops and sometimes say, "Here's the bus!" Sometimes I say that and the bus is in front of me. Sometimes I say that and the bus is not. Sometimes I say that and the bus then pulls up. Sometimes I forget to say it and the bus arrives anyway. Sometimes I just need to hear that the bus has arrived. Sometimes I just need to get on the bus. Sometimes I need the reminder that the bus is here so that I can get on the bus.

Furthermore, sometimes I just walk around saying, "Here's the bus!"


Habari gani?

Salama tu. Mostly.

This guy tells an interesting story that I wasn't really aware of. I don't think it's particularly rampant but I'm glad I've read it.

Kiswahili is going very well. As tired as I was today, Kiswahili perked me up for the day. RLST is also very very good.

Scott Miller is someone I've recently discovered. I like it. It makes me think of those Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Some lyrics:
Henry Streator owns this town
Parks on the sidewalk and he beats men down
His wife was pictured in a magazine
He brought her over from the Philippines
You can see her about five o’clock
On the hood of his car on the town sidewalk..

Well it starts in Minnesota as a tiny stream
Then its rolling like a river down in New Orleans
Sin in Indiana: It’s a powerful thing.

Chalmers Wolcott is the biggest liar
Drinks bottled water but can still breathe fire
Got half a finger but he’s twice as mean
As a Boilermaker on amphetamines
He’s a deacon down at the church
And there’s porn on the corn so there’ plenty of work.

Magnolia Hempstead could not stop
Eating popcorn when she was high on pot
She kept on chewing until her teeth were gone
The dentist made some out of cut limestone
You can always tell she’s been around
Because there’s tombstones growing where she spits in the ground

Also good:
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Miike Snow - Animal
The Virgins - Rich Girls


One-Way Round Trip

So, this past weekend Dad drove up to give me a ride to Springfield. There, at 0921, I flew to Chicago. At the 604, I boarded a plane bound for Denver, Colorado. Waiting for me in Denver was a plane going to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. At 1604, in OKC, Mom and Gracie picked me up and we drove to Charleston, arriving at 2345 the next day.

That's about 1500 miles flying, 675 miles driving, and approx. 3 hours of a crying 13 mo. old.


School starts next week. I'm pretty stoked for it. Tomorrow I'm going to get my textbooks out of storage, get some school supplies, and begin planning my success. : )


Rustoleum dry erase paint is pretty cool. I bought one kit and painted the top 3 feet of 4 door surfaces and 2 2'x4' hard boards. This yields 49 square feet of dry erase surface. It's pretty good, but doesn't erase as well as I would like. However, the expo dry erase board cleaner does a great job of cleaning it. If I had it to do over, I would have primed the doors with something off-white and sanded them glass smooth. My plan is to screw the 2'x4's to the wall. One will hang horizontally and the other vertically. I'm very excited about all of this space as I have already filled my 3'x2' board.


zero sum

I'm registered for classes now. I'm taking Math 463, English 114, and Swahili 201. It's 12 credit hours and I feel very good about my course selections. Probability and Statistics will undoubtedly be the hardest class, but I have no choice but to do well in it. The Bible as Literature is taught by a professor I've had before, whom I liked, so I feel confident about it. Elementary Swahili is a class that I previously enrolled in, but didn't finish because I withdrew that semester. These classes should give my brain some well rounded exercise.

I did not get the WAL position.

Win some, lose some... right? Yes and no. I'm glad Allison got the position because now I don't have to deal with any feelings of guilt. After all, I have thought that she should have been a manager for the last 2 years. However, that does little to abate my feelings disappointment, crushed expectation, and failure.

But we couldn't both come out as winners. One must lose in order for the other to win. There is no stalemate, draw, or other outcome. Given that, I'm glad I lost. I cannot stomach winning at the expense of someone I care about in things that matter. True games are another matter.

Or maybe that's just my excuse for being better at true games than at the ones that matter...