True or False?

What vexes man?
  • Money
  • Passion
  • Women
He is lucky who can settle one.


Re-entry into LAS

To quote:

May 19, 2009

Dear Stephen Murphy,

Your application for Fall 2009 re-entry to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has been reviewed and approved into Mathematics. We are pleased with your continuing interest in the University and hope that you will find this new opportunity to be both beneficial and productive. In order to ensure your progress in meeting degree requirements, the following conditions are made upon your re-entry:

1. You must elect and complete a minimum of 12 hours in the Fall 2009 term with a minimum GPA of 2.5
2. You must meet with a Mathematics academic advisor to select appropriate courses for Fall 2009 term
3. You must meet with an Admissions Records Officer in 270 Lincoln Hall to review degree requirements
4. You must meet with Cory Ohms or Dean Ramirez-Fernandez by August 28th, 2009 and by the 8th week of the Fall 2009 term

Your Expected Graduation Date (EGD) is: Spring 2010 . That is the final term for which you will be authorized to enroll for the purpose of completing requirements for a degree from this College.

the weekend

First off, it seems that I've been sleeping over 12 hours a day on average. I'm not sure if this is good or bad... but it feels good.

Secondly, I still don't like Suze Orman. So what if she called out some guy for saying that all women should be barefoot and pregnant. He said it in the early 80's and I'm pretty sure that he wasn't the only one thinking or saying it in the early 80's. Grow up.

Thirdly, I really like big lists of names so I can find the shortest and longest names. I gave up trying to find the longest graduate because the font wasn't monospace. But the shortest is a tie among a handful of 5 letter people (first and last). One person could have been 4 letters, but s/he included a middle name.

Lastly, I noticed that I happened to attend the following people's graduation:

(in the order of the program)
Julie K. Mahieu
Richard L. Neumann
Colleen Elizabeth Hussey
Frances S. Levy
Allison Harden (obviously, I was there to see her graduate)
Rachel A. Leddy
Meredith R. Wieck
Anna Kelner
Brett McGuire
Michael Heimbuch
Aditya Gupta
Aubrey Elaine Lutz

So, that's pretty cool. I wish them all great futures and whatnot.


Daniel Abong Ogwal
James S. Kyung
Anna Maria Puchalski
Ellora Sen-Gupta
Cheryl Krugel
Amanda Jane Moschel

all graduated, but they had the late ceremony...

So, congraduation to them, too.



I've noticed that I've been really focused on negativity lately. Lately meaning since the beginning of April, but it's been growing. I can point to a lot of sources of negativity, but I'd rather find a way out from under it. I'm hoping that taking out the stress of the petition will help and Truck is running better, but I want to solve the problem.

I've been asking God to show me what He wants for me. I've been trying to align my life with His will, but I don't feel like I have any strong clues. Just before I left for college, my mom asked me what I wanted my major to be. I told her that I didn't really know. She asked me if I felt any calling from God. I told her that I had not, but I'd prayed about it. She then asked what I liked. I replied that I liked math, science, technology, creating... But math was the one commonality I saw in everything I enjoyed. She said, "that is because it is your calling. God has been preparing for your life for His whole life." I really felt the truth of that. However, I'm wary of trying out a self-fulfilling prophecy of "if it is, then it's meant to be."

See, I thought that God wanted me to be with Rachel forever. I thought that I was with her because it was what He wanted. I also thought I was supposed to marry Rebecca. I thought it was what He wanted. What I'm beginning to see is that God wanted me to be where I was, but He obviously didn't want me to stay there. That being said, I have a hard time understanding what it is that He is trying to show me. I don't get it. I think it's important and that it's somehow related to my calling... but I'm not there yet.

Unfortunately, Dad prays that God will keep me in whatever situation in life I'm in at least long enough to learn what He has for me to learn. So, I'm likely to flounder for a while...

on a different note:

Try this out. The beginning is nice, but if you get bored with it, jump to 42:45 (that's about when track 11 starts) and listen there again. It's nice. I like it.


Maybe it's that time of year

I've always said that if I had my degree I'd still be doing what I'm doing. However, I don't really think that's true anymore. I'm in Champaign because I don't have my degree. That's the only reason.

By this time next year I will have plans to be somewhere else. Perhaps it will be back to South Africa to polish off a Master's Degree. Perhaps it will be the West Coast, for good.

The more I look at Illinois, the less I see for myself in the long run. True, I have many friends here. True, I will miss them. True, I'm terrified to leave, especially alone.

It's been a year since my engagement failed. What a year it has been. On that day, a year ago, I realized that I wasn't going to Oregon. And in the year since, I've been happiest when I was out West or in South Africa. My eyes are drawn to the ocean, always.

This must come with the caveat that a lot can happen in a year. I've learned this the hard way. Just remember that "[my life is] my disaster friend, not yours."


Rachel Leddy

Wow, I haven't seen that girl in... I know not how long. But I saw her today while I was driving home from AutoZone. Lincoln and Green, the site of many moments of my life. At 10:23 no less.

She's not someone I think about everyday, but when I do, I have a plethora of memories to choose from.

I've never had a partner for any board game that was as good as she was.

I'm glad I knew her, but I still regret the ways I treated her and that I ruined that friendship. I hope she's doing well and still sings.

In retrospect, she had the best handwriting of anyone I've known.

If you ever meet Rachel Leddy, consider yourself lucky... I do.



I wrote something profound, but the internet was not cooperating when I was ready to post it.

Here it is:

I've talked before about "right action at cusp." The problem I've had with it is that I keep trying to figure out what the right action is before the cusp so that I am prepared. I also try, at cusp, to figure out why an action is the right one.

These things fail. Beforehand, there are many theories about right action and many more that contradict each other. Thus, one line of thought bleeds into another line of thought and I end up with the idea that either action is right. But, this contradicts the principle of Right Action at Cusp. There is one action which is better than the others. There cannot be a tie. So, I'm left to either conclude that there is no such thing as Right Action at Cusp or that I need to keep looking.

However, I've found that I'm missing the point. AT CUSP. Not before. Right Action at Cusp is a question of Quality (cf Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). Thus, it is not predicted by Classical thinking. Right Action is a question of the soul and of the moment.

This is why the in situ analysis fails. "Why is action X the Right Action and action Y is not, for this particular cusp?" This question has nearly no meaning. Right Action is Right Action because it is Right Action.

--Thanks, Professor Murphy, but where's the punchline?
Valentine Michael Smith does not stretch his time sense so that he can think about what Right Action is, he does this to allow Right Action to become a part of him.

Either you have Right Action at Cusp, or you do not. However, try. Keep trying.

Just remember that waiting is. Waiting is.


cinco de mayo eve

Truck hates me. I'm lost but I cannot afford professional help.

Today begins the training of Capt. Throughput.

I'm so hungry but I have no food left in the pantry.

Tonight, after work, I will write something profound.


not the fuel filter.

today begins a barrage of tests on the rest of the fuel system.

I just hope that it's not the fuel pump. That would require dropping the fuel tank... which is totally full and therefore very very very heavy.

I'm thinking it might be the fuel pressure regulator.


I've decided that Truck's problems are not, I repeat, not caused by the month of April as it is now May and the problem is still there. Also, it isn't caused by not swearing at Truck or by my failure to kick Truck several times. More updates as news warrants...