Christmas

So, I don't have a picture of this Christmas, but it made me happy.

I rolled into Charleston on no sleep and we did family pictures. Afterward I cooked up some Cheesy Rice 'n Tomatoes. They were a hit at lunch. Following lunch came the programs.

We had the normal songs, Christmas Story, and prayer. I volunteered to do my program first. I was going to try to do some sort of Dating Game thing to make everyone else feel uncomfortable, but instead I played the DVDs of my Bungys. They were quite impressed and asked lots of questions. It felt good to be able to relate that story to them and let them in on that part of South Africa. I got zero votes.

After the programs we did the gift exchange. Adam asked each of us to answer a few questions before we got our gift. "What was the most memorable event since last Christmas?" was the big one. I thought that I would be able to hold it all together, but I couldn't. It felt so good to be able to cry in front of my family and feel safe. I don't remember it verbatim, but the idea was that since so much had happened in the last year, it was really difficult to single out one item. Between the highs of being engaged, 30,000 feet in the air, and being in South Africa, it was hard to pick one as the highest of them all considering that the lows were things like being given the engagement ring back, jumping off of the highest bridge outside of the United States, and dealing with my mother's breast cancer. It's been a roller coaster ride of emotion, traveling, and life events. So I went on to the next question, "What have you learned this year?" I've learned that there is a plan. Although I have no idea why God has put me through the things I've had thrown my way, I know that He knows. I know that He has a plan for me and that I am not forgotten though I am small.

Next, I was to say whether there was a person or group that I've appreciated in the last year. It's my Mother. Mom has dealt with so much, breast cancer aside, to get the study abroad program together and sorted. She took time out of her life and the lives of her loved ones to scout locations, and assess safety/logistic issues in South Africa for students that she did not know were coming. She has done things for those students that have not been reported to anyone and never will be known by anyone but herself. In return, those students have not realized the gift that she gave them. On top of it all, she fought cancer there so that they could stay and not lose the experience or the monies spent on the trip. The great strength that I've seen my mother display is humbling.

Throughout all of this I never once ceased crying. The tears were for the disrespect she was shown, the disrespect I was shown, the things I've lost, the things I've gained, and the feeling that there is no telling whether or not the next year will be any better on average or any worse in the extreme.

The final question was quite open ended. Adam asked if we had any final thoughts. I said, "no, I don't really think about anything else." However, I hope that the next year does not drag me as far up or down, because I am near breaking. Knowing that God has a plan is what has kept me going this year, but I need more than that. Not a lot... just something more.

My story was not the most tragic, nor the most emotional. By the end my cheeks were hot with tears as I heard the out pour of emotion from my family. I head about how they love each other and how they appreciate being loved. I heard about their toils and joys. I came to realize how much this is my family. The fact that I stood alone in front of them, without a wife or son, was not because I am not worthy, or that I'd done wrong. It was because God has not put them in my family, yet. The days are not long and will soon be accomplished that I will bring to them new faces for their consideration. I know that they will embrace them as they embrace myself. I know that their love has no bottom.

That is the best gift God could have given me today.