Uh, logic? Anyone?

Some panhandlers making $400 a day: police

The idea of this article is that some panhandlers are making serious bank by "aggressive" panhandling. Okay, that's fine. So they want to make a bylaw to make it easier to crack down on these offenders. That's also okay. However:

"This bylaw is aimed at that core group — hardcore professional panhandlers, people that make a living off this," Nowlan said.


Police are proposing a fine of $250, but have suggested the city look at options for people who can't afford to pay it.

equals wtf. If you motivate your argument by saying that the panhandlers aren't truly in need and then suggest that $250 is too much to fine them then, you're not using logic.

You can't have it both ways. Either they can't afford the $250 or they are making a living. Both cannot be true.


25 things (I hate these things)

1. I have not read every book I own, which is not in and of itself interesting. However, I silently berate myself for this failure everyday.

2. I am forever looking for the perfect key chain, pen, pad of paper, watch, and wallet. I have found nice stopping points on that search, but perfection is always out of reach.

3. I never learned phonics and I have a difficult time pronouncing new words or ones that I've only ever read.

4. I only ever throw away a note, scrap of paper with writing, or book with much psychological pain. These things are usually saved for long periods of time and I have boxes and boxes that contain such notes and scraps of paper.

5. I am slow at performing mental math, despite my love of math. I tend to get distracted by the processes of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division.

6. I am almost 80% sure that I have a girlfriend.

7. I once completely took apart my father's computer. Since I was unable to put it back together, he bought a new one.

8. I had more fun at my Sophomore prom than at the following four. This was because I knew that I had nothing to lose, no one else's feelings to consider, and I knew no one there. The others were far more stressful.

9. I would be happiest if I never had to sleep again or if I never had to wake up again.

10. I never seem to be able to spell necessary. (thank God for spell check)

11. I sweat a lot when I read books or watch good movies.

12. I operate 2 pornographic websites.

13. I used to want to be an inventor. I still want to be an inventor.

14. I contribute regularly to Wikipedia.

15. I once killed a mouse by holding it underwater.

16. I have fantasized about running away from home since the second grade. I still do.

17. I like odd numbers more than I like even numbers.

18. I think that stale Twizzlers are far superior to fresh ones.

19. I talk to myself constantly when I am driving alone. It is usually a string of word vomit and/or verbatim reenactments of conversations I have had.

20. I have had almost no sense of smell for the last 3 years.

21. I am proud, in retrospect, of every dime I ever spent on a woman.

22. I am not at all ticklish due to years of training myself not to be.

23. I find mirrors to be my least favorite flat surfaces. Windows are my second least favorite.

24. I have saved every conversation I have ever had on AOL Instant Messenger.

25. One fifth of these "facts" are lies.


Oh Onion, I love you...

Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice

I am speechless.


If it's not with you
There is no thing that makes me wanna settle down
I thought it was a bad cough
But never knew how much illusions hide a torture
Lonesome & forsaken with no gratitude
Who's goin' to tell, devotion's not your problem
It's me against a wardrobe
Focused on the pain to see how we can get along
Doing things, getting better
I'll move on
The more I try the less I care about it
And if you don't see yourself in the mirror, forget what you did
The more I try the less I care about it
I'm giving up my conscience for another
The only one I want is you
Things I wouldn't do
Try to treat me like a friend, get another late call
I'll lose you for another
Cause you can't believe how much your pleasure is a factor
Writing down the logic of my solitude
As far as I'm concerned I'd like to leave it random
I'm acting like an orphan
Let me get to know you better to make me less attracted
Doing things, getting better
I'll move on
The more I try the less I care about it
And if you don't see yourself in the mirror, forget what you did
The more I try the less I care about it
I'm giving up my conscience for another
The only one I want is you
Parisians all gone
Words they're all gone
Let me tell you


human. normal.

I accidentally went to Charleston. I had to drive. I just had to. I used my time to wrap a warm blanket of memories around me. This is where I would normally go into a listing of fond memories, but I'm tired of that.

The memories are nice, but they are meaningless in their detail. The important part is the feeling they invoke in me.

Can I focus on the good more than the bad? Have I so rewritten my past that I will only have bitterness toward this place? Will Charleston always be a place I loathe coming back to? Maybe 3x.

However, coming here and feeling the warmth of those memories and then waking up to a cool blanket of snow makes me feel human. normal. That may not be the loftiest of goals, but I'm trying.


I hate things like this... but I like this one

So, if you click this... then it's true. If you don't... then it's not.



So, I've been listening to my 5 star playlist. It interests me because these are songs that various versions of myself have said that I like. This stuff goes all over the place. Examples:

Sleeping In - The Postal Service
Lowlife - They Shoot Horses Don't They
House Of Usher - Geggy Tah
Late - Ben Folds
Gotta Work - Amerie
Chaos - Mute Math
Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
The Hand That Feeds - NIN
Feelings - Offspring
Simple Man - Shinedown
That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings
Hem Of Your Garment - Cake
My Band - D12
Mammal Vs Reptiles - Caribou
River Red - Okkervil River
Fortress - Pinback
Red Bus Needs To Leave - DJ Shadow
With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
Attractive Today - Motion City Soundtrack
Rebel Yell - Billy Idol

Those are the first 20 on shuffled 5 Star. What does it mean? I don't think it means anything. However, I remember what was going on in my life when I made each of those songs part of my "favorites."

I'll tag onto this post something I read somewhere:
Do you miss the birds? Do you miss the warmth? Do you miss the words we used to speak? We can leave the light on till the sun comes up if you want, we can leave the music on if it helps you fall asleep-
Secret freckles were no secret anymore. But I'm sure there are sunflowers growing from gutters somewhere. It's heart over logic, & that's all this is.


I made a tactical error at work. As a result my left hand is swollen and bruised.

This proves, once again, the important thing I tell other switchers: Do as I say, not as I do.

Man waiting for tools gets brick of marijuana


At FedEx we would call this a SWAK error. If someone gives us a wrong address, we try the best we can to figure out what the address should have been. It could be a simple problem of a label that says "Urbana, IL 61081" when it should have read "Urbana, IL 61801." However, I might have meant to send it to Sterling, IL and written Urbana on accident. It's hard to tell what someone meant when the information doesn't match up.

Sometimes it means that your shipment gets returned, other times it goes to the wrong person. I once ordered some textbooks online and received someone else's books. They, in turn received a third person's books. It was a problem with putting the wrong labels on the wrong boxes.

My point? This isn't a problem unique to UPS or any other shipping company. It was just human error.



This was sent my way. Mitchell tells me that it is entirely factual.


All Medicated Geniuses -- Pretty Girls Make Graves

This town has good hearts
Bad blood, emotional scars
Never gettin' to say what you really wanna say

We all lie so well


If misery loves company
Then it seems to swim so much more forcibly
In the song of other people's failures


How Interesting!

Tessa told me once that I was very interesting and that I have lots of interesting stories. She said that she was not interesting and that she had only boring stories.

I think that's a load of crap.

Maybe I know how to tell a story. Maybe I embellish a little here and there. Maybe I go places and do things that other have not. However, I've always thought that I didn't really have any crazy stories to tell. I've always done that action which seemed necessary at the time. That's how I got to Moldova. That's how I got robbed there. That's how I got to South Africa both times. That's how my relationships have been. I'm not really doing a lot of planning ahead. I'm not looking for the crazy story. I don't really try that hard. I feel pretty mediocre.

So, it comes down to this: either we're all mediocre or we're all interesting. I think that I'm mediocre, but nearly everyone I meet I find to be interesting. Which leads me to believe that I might be interesting as well. Thus, we are all interesting. However, it could be that I'm so mediocre that I find these other mediocre people interesting. Which would lead me to conclude that we're all mediocre. That seems unlikely. It is my belief that we are all interesting just as it is the case that we all have psychoses. In some people it is easier to see than in others.


These make me smile



Dr. Tran Also Dr. Tran Yet again Dr. Tran (very short... very good)


Tonight in the Control Room

So, I walk into the control room after Twi and had this conversation with Rusty, the Mid Control Room Operator:

Me: 'Sup
Rusty: Hey, read this. *hands me a hand-written note*
*note reads: 55 is missing a wheel. 19 cannot be shut off or it will not start up again*
*I walk to the radio*
M: Hey, Wyman...
Wyman: 'Sup?
M: Don't turn off your switcher. It seems that it will never ever start up again if you do.
W: Okay..
M: *to Rusty* Anything else?
R: Did you see this about 55?
M: Yeah, I didn't really notice anything wrong with it when I drove it all night.
R: *beat*
M: Which one was it?
R: Uh, driver side front.
M: Yeah, I never use that side of the switcher.

I guess they expected some sort of reaction to the fact that 55 lost a wheel on Day Sort. Before Twi, they were all waiting for me to say or do something. I don't really understand it. I don't drive 55. I don't like 55. It doesn't matter to me if it works or not because we have three other switchers and the weather doesn't require four. I feel like they wanted me to be outraged or to say something hysterical. It turns out that it was due to a wheel bearing failure. These things happen, I suppose. I'm more interested in how many there are to go up, who's running the board, and whether or not there are moves to make in the outbound. Is it just me?


Flash Doodle


Well that stole hours and hours of my life away. Good.


This Place


That's good, and there's lots else there that's good.


Dinner [update]

Okay, so the menu was as follows:

Slow Cooked BBQ Chicken
Cheesy Rice and Tomatoes
Hawaiian Rolls
Cream Cheese Clouds
Layered Pudding Awesomeness

I made all but the last two...

Invited guests: Me, Kate, Allison, Hillary, Adam, Rick, Tessa.

Hillary turned no call/no show because she got grounded at the last minute. Allie was an hour late, but she brought beer which made up for it. Tessa brought Ethan, which was awesome because he didn't really eat anything. Afterward, we went to TI and I got to drive a completely blitzed Nick and fairly okay Tylo home in Allie's new-to-her Jimmy. Our party lost Kate but gained Chris. When I went to bed the pans had been licked clean by guests.

I felt very proud of myself. It wasn't in the plan for me to cook, but I decided that I would at 3pm and at 7pm we were sitting down enjoying the food. I also played some music on myPod II which people seemed to enjoy. It was a very successful night. I'm quite proud of myself.


Tonight Kate and I are making dinner for seven people. I suppose that we're throwing a dinner party. Watch this space for updates including but not limited to: menu, guest list, inside jokes, pictures of food.


But that doesn't make it easy

Yes, I did it. I stopped it all. I decided that I didn't want to be hurt again. But that doesn't make it easy.

Yes, I said I would not feel the lack. I don't feel the lack. I haven't felt it because it's been gone since September. But that doesn't make it easy.

Yes, I think music helps. I seek out what feels right. I play the music that says the words I can't say out loud. But that doesn't make it easy.

Yes, I am sure. I needed to do this. I left myself exposed and vulnerable and I was taken advantage of. But that doesn't make it easy.

Yes, I think about it. I am not a machine. I try to come to terms with what has happened, what it means, and who that makes me in this big mess. But that doesn't make it easy.

Don't think that it makes it easy for me.

Driving to Town Late to Mail a Letter

Robert Bly

It is a cold and snowy night. The main street is deserted.
The only things moving are swirls of snow.
As I life the mailbox door, I feel its cold iron.
There is a privacy I love in this snowy night.
Driving around, I will waste more time.


Your mom is a package

This 5yr old girl was a package. Perhaps this worked in 1914, but it is now illegal to ship yourself... or so I'm told. I know that persons have died while being shipped. They forget that a trailer full of packages has very little room for air. So they *gasp* suffocate. Moral of the story? Don't be stupid.


Seeing Double Shots

'Visions link' to coffee intake.

Perhaps an interesting article... but check this:
People who drank more than seven cups of instant coffee a day were three times more likely to hallucinate than those who took just one, a study found.
Seven cups of instant coffee? I'm surprised that they aren't dead. I don't say this because that's a lot of caffeine; instant coffee sucks.



yay for a powernap to punctuate these 39 hours of wakefulness. yay for my insurance card and a soon-to-be-made chiropractor appointment. yay for an overnight low of 4. yay for thursday's -8 to 0. yay for carhartts. yay for yay. boo for losing my gloves and being hungry.


Yeah... it's official. (note the radio on my shoulder... yeah...)


Till you get enough

Mom, bless her heart, made this observation about me:
Stephen doesn't seem to give up. No matter how poorly they treat him or how badly a day goes, he seems to be ready to start up again the next day. It's like he wakes up and it was all a bad dream. I don't understand how it is that he avoids being discouraged.
Granted, this was reported to me by my father, but he and I talked about it. He was troubled by this apparent behavior of mine. I told him that it wasn't so bad and that it isn't an absolute behavior. That is to say that I know when enough is enough. However, in South Africa, what good would giving up do? He then thought about it and reframed it in a way that I agree with:
You don't give up until you're ready to give up. You try until you've tried everything and given every chance that you can. But, when you're done... you're done.

Yes, when I'm done, I'm done. So, let me say for the record that I'm done with currying favor. If you don't like who I am or how I am... then I'm terribly sorry. I have completely lost all patience for manipulating myself in order to have more friends. Besides, it wasn't working terribly well.

Half Thoughts

I have a lot of almost posts. Ideas that are nearly worth writing about include:

  • Being socially pressured to enter a relationship.

  • Mom and Dad perhaps beginning to give up on life.

  • The enormous hassle of syncing music and movies between 2 computers and an iPod.

  • That damn mouse that I hear in the ceiling tiles.

  • Work and the particular conundrum that Twi/Mid presents.

  • The Hillarious/Mosey On/Ally Cat/Kate/Cubbie/Grizzly Bear love heptagon.

  • That feeling of leaving something undone that I have everyday.

  • The looming nights that risk repeat pipe failure.

  • Hey, where is my winter coat?

  • The way that attending a funeral for a woman who passed away from breast cancer freaks me out to no end.

It isn't that these ideas are unworthy in and of themselves. Rather, I just don't have the ideas fully sorted in my mind to put words to them. Perhaps I will find the words while I'm switching this week, but I've got nothing worth nothing right now.

Instead I will post some lyrics because that's easy.

(All Paramore)

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic
I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what'd you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it?
Fight with your bare hands about it now
Yeah, yeah well you're just a mess
You do all this big talkin
So now let's see you walk it.
I said let's see you walk it.
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
Born for This
Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?
Everybody live like it’s the last day you will ever see
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?
I don't want to run from anything uncomfortable
I just want, no
I just need this pain to end right here
Some things I'll never know
And I had to let them go
We Are Broken
And I'll take the truth at any cost


No Country for Old Men

Wow. That movie just makes me... wow.

Carla Jean Moss: Where'd you get the pistol?
Llewelyn Moss: At the gettin' place.
Carla Jean Moss: Did you buy that gun?
Llewelyn Moss: No. I found it.
Carla Jean Moss: Llewelyn!
Llewelyn Moss: What? Quit hollerin'.
Carla Jean Moss: What'd you give for that thing?
Llewelyn Moss: You don't need to know everything, Carla Jean.
Carla Jean Moss: I need to know that.
Llewelyn Moss: You keep runnin' that mouth I'm gonna' take you in the back and screw ya'.
Carla Jean Moss: Big talk.
Llewelyn Moss: Keep it up.
Carla Jean Moss: Fine. I don't wanna' know. I don't even wanna' know where you been all day.
Llewelyn Moss: That'll work.

Ed Tom Bell: You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.

Anton Chigurh: Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?

Ellis: Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it.

Wendell: Yes, sir. None of the three had I.D. on 'em, but they're tellin' me all three is Mexican... was Mexicans.
Ed Tom Bell: There's a question, whether they stopped being and when.

Anton Chigurh: Don't put it in your pocket, sir. Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter.
Gas Station Proprietor: Where do you want me to put it?
Anton Chigurh: Anywhere not in your pocket. Where it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is.



The hours that I've been working lately have been completely destroying my concept of time. Switching back to back is something that I've always wanted to do, but my mind needs time to catch up.


In Praise of My Bed

Meredith Holmes

At last I can be with you!
The grinding hours
since I left your side!
The labor of being fully human,
working my opposable thumb,
talking, and walking upright.
Now I have unclasped
unzipped, stepped out of.
Husked, soft, a be-er only,
I do nothing, but point
my bare feet into your
clean smoothness
feel your quiet strength
the whole length of my body.
I close my eyes, hear myself
moan, so grateful to be held this way.


In Paris with You

James Fenton

Don't talk to me of love. I've had an earful
And I get tearful when I've downed a drink or two.
I'm one of your talking wounded.
I'm a hostage. I'm marooned.
But I'm in Paris with you.

Yes I'm angry at the way I've been bamboozled
And resentful at the mess I've been through.
I admit I'm on the rebound
And I don't care where are we bound.
I'm in Paris with you.

      Do you mind if we do not go to the Louvre,
      If we say sod off to the sodding Notre Dame,
      If we skip the Champs Elysées
      And remain here in this sleazy
      Old hotel room
      Doing this and that
      To what and whom
      Learning who you are,
      Learning what I am.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris,
The little bit of Paris in our view.
There's that crack across the ceiling

And the hotel walls are peeling
And I'm in Paris with you.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris.
I'm in Paris with the slightest thing you do.
I'm in Paris with your eyes, your mouth,
I'm in Paris with . . . all points south.
Am I embarrassing you?
I'm in Paris with you.


To Done

Today I:

paid some bills
did laundry
bought groceries
baked cookies
cleaned Truck

and I've yet to go to work. Not a bad day. Perhaps even a good day, depending on work.

Safety First

I'm glad that no part of my new year's resolutions were about cutting swearing out of my life. Above you can see a triptych of the layers of clothing that my injury tonight pierced. First is the Carharts, then Dickies work pants, followed my my long underwear. Yes, that is blood on the Dickies and long underwear.

I would include a picture of the wound itself, but this is a family blog. For the same reason I will not be posting the list of terrible terrible things that I said in the moments that followed. However, below is a picture of the dressed wound with a sub-wound closer to my knee. (That is part of the same incident) Also, I can tell you one word that did not escape my lips with regard to this horrible horrible event: poopy.

Tomorrow I'll see if it shows any sign of getting better. It might actually require professional care. Jimmy agrees.

[update] After a night of not being able to sleep in any position that was comfortable, the aching of the wound has subsided. My leg is still rather stiff, but I should be able to work in my (nearly) fullest capacity. This wound is not pretty though. [/update]


My reward for acting like an adult

I've had a full night's sleep. I woke up and took a shower and then cooked food. Afterward I threw in some laundry and took a nap. I awake to find that I've had a dream. My mind must love me because I've been without dreams for a while.

I dreampt that I was eating at Dairy Queen with Rachel and her dad. She was ripping on my hardcore and he wasn't really defending me, but was providing logical escape routes for me to take. The dream reached critical mass when she said, "if you want to prove something, then why don't you quit smoking?" I retorted with, "December 18th. Why do I have to prove myself to anyone?!" After that we got up to pay for the meal. I recall that the ice cream cake was very very good.

It was a very packed dream. Everything, every detail I remember reminds me of something else that seems connected. Examples: The DQ was laid out like BK by Borders. The cake was just like the Pecan pie Lynn's mom at The Gables made.

Before I go, I should explain a little. I am happy that I had a dream. I think that dreams are a sign of sleeping long enough and that they are the mind's way of processing events since the last good sleep. That there were so many symbols and people in my dream only really indicate how far and wide my mind goes in the 5 days that include New Year's Day. As far as "What does it mean?" goes, I think this dream either means nothing or it means something that I can't grasp. Either way, the only sensible thing to do is eat at Dairy Queen.



It has come to my attention that I have slept for 5 hours per night on average this year. Also, I've been averaging nearly a meal a day and more than half of my daily caloric intake has been beer.

It seems that this is some very unhealthy behavior. However, I feel okay. Granted that all of the days of this year feel like a blur and I'm not very certain what today is... I still think I'm doing pretty well for myself.

My new work schedule isn't really going to help with any of those things except for the beer intake. I suppose that's a good thing. At least I could say that it's a step in the right direction.

Who am I kidding? I know the actual reason for these behaviors.


Magnetic Poetry: Pickup Lines

These should keep me single for a while:

I know you believe in
astronaut pants

if I told you I love you
would you come

whipped cream
Any questions

can I have

can you talk

one word

I'm sorry can I have directions to
a sexy organ donor like you

didn't I see a braille
wedding cake

I lost an airport



Yay for sales at B&N

"Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses."
"You certainly do. This is not a hospital; it's a Burger King."

What did the computer say when the little lamb logged on?
"Ewe got mail."

What's the difference between a computer programmer and a duck farmer?
One downloads and the other loads down.

How many substitute teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--they just leave it dark and show a movie.

Why is Alabama the smartest state in the Union?
Because it has four A's and one B.

Last one:

Is the left life raft the right life raft or is the right life raft the right life raft?


The little yodeler learned to yodel loudly


The longest year

If you're out with friends past midnight, then the new day does not actually start until you've gone to bed and woken up. This sleep/unconsciousness doesn't have to be full or restful, but until you get it the day hasn't ended.

With that in mind, I was able to tack on an extra 30 hours to 2008. Wednesday morning I woke up at 10am and did not go to sleep until 6am Friday morning. Then I slept for 4 hours and began my day. I call it the 44 and 4 plan. Stay up 44 hours and sleep 4.

I saw Jenny and made friends at her party.
I caught up with Tessa about the last 5/12 ths of 2008.
I gave and received some very nice back rubs (Thanks Kate and Allie)
I played Burnout Domination for 5 hours in front of a cheering audience.
I learned how to play catch with a deck of cards.
I played LOTS of Catch Phrase.
Jaccob: "You're the ____!"
Me: "The unbearable lightness of being?!"

I invented the Pancake Ball.
I hung out with Ethan, who needs to hang out with the FedEx Crew more often.

Bottom line, I had a whole lot of fun. I can't think of a better way to ring in the new year than to have 2008 go out in that fashion.



I'll be glad to put it behind me.