4.03.2009

And so it goes

It goes something like this: Binge and Purge. I was tempted to talk about it using the analogy of Feast or Famine, but I like the imagery of gorging and then releasing. Massive input which leads to massive output. Intense introversion followed by uncontrollable extroversion. It isn't a paradigm on how the world works or what people do or anything so grandiose, it's just me.

I get moods. One mood might be super creativity another near obsessive cleaning. But they are always predicated by a period of building, stewing, binging. This explains not doing laundry for 2 months and then washing everything. But then I'm tired of the cleaning idea and the clothes don't get put away. Follow through has always been difficult for me.

Ebb and Flow. Every ebb will have its flow. I'm learning to try to keep my head above water during the ebb and ride the flow as far as possible.

I think this feature(?) has led to a lot of stress in my relationships and family life. My friends seem to have accepted it as "just Stephen" but those who are closer to me find it hard to live with the ebb and hard to keep up with the flow. If I ebb while you flow and vice versa, then there is strong potential for getting shit done. On the other hand, if you're done flowing and I'm still ebbing, it would feel like I'm not doing as much work. Nearly any phase shift other than 0 or 90 seems like it would cause problems. In fact, being out of phase at all could lead to difficulties.

I don't see any way for my cyclic behavior to work out unless I can bank enough to cover my downtime. It seems like I have not done that in the past and I can think of no way to take care of that for the future. Help me.

No comments:

Post a Comment