6.30.2009
Barbara Grace Murphy
I attended a baptism on Sunday. It was at a Lutheran church. The sermon featured Mark 5:22-43. The pastor had some interesting insights on it. For example, there is a theme of non-traditional Christian thought in the woman believing that touching that which is holy will make her holy. It is also present in the fact that Mark records the Aramaic that Jesus speaks when He heals the girl. The power of Christ is not in the hem of His garment or in the words He spoke. But Jesus doesn't really seem to care. He is more concerned with healing and whatnot to focus on correcting how they practice their religion. It was very refreshing to hear that message in a church.
Afterward, Allison and I went to the STL Science Center. I love the science center... like a lot. We watched Wild Ocean which is about the Wild Coast of South Africa. It was such a joy to see rondovals again. Watching the Omnimax and then coming home and seeing the stars just now reminded me of the absolute wonder I felt as I looked to the sky and saw no constellations that I recognized. Doing some research I found Orion. But in the Southern Hemisphere, Orion is upside-down. It may not seem like a big deal, but it completely floored me at the time.
Afterward, Allison and I went to the STL Science Center. I love the science center... like a lot. We watched Wild Ocean which is about the Wild Coast of South Africa. It was such a joy to see rondovals again. Watching the Omnimax and then coming home and seeing the stars just now reminded me of the absolute wonder I felt as I looked to the sky and saw no constellations that I recognized. Doing some research I found Orion. But in the Southern Hemisphere, Orion is upside-down. It may not seem like a big deal, but it completely floored me at the time.
6.29.2009
Laura Dun Got Hitched!
So, Laura is now married. Now there is only Laura Pullen. That's weird. The wedding was very nice and very dry. Venues were tasteful and enjoyable. The music was very nice... very Laura. : ) Rachel sang. It was good to hear her sing again. She also gave a speech that was well done.
I had a lot of fun sitting with Cat, David, Lucy and some other people. Mike and Jeff were no shows. They had moving stuff to take care of.
It used to feel strange to be not married. I think that was because I had been preparing myself for it for so long. Now there isn't really any kind of feeling about it at all.
Luckily no one was able to tell that I had a head injury. It's healing quite well. The knot is much smaller than it was at the wedding. Still no real pain from the injury and no headaches. I'm quite lucky in that regard.
I had a lot of fun sitting with Cat, David, Lucy and some other people. Mike and Jeff were no shows. They had moving stuff to take care of.
It used to feel strange to be not married. I think that was because I had been preparing myself for it for so long. Now there isn't really any kind of feeling about it at all.
Luckily no one was able to tell that I had a head injury. It's healing quite well. The knot is much smaller than it was at the wedding. Still no real pain from the injury and no headaches. I'm quite lucky in that regard.
6.26.2009
6.19.2009
6.17.2009
w00t, shirts!
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8681 -- clever and cute
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8207 -- perfect for your next star party
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8978 -- someday we'll have to explain this to our kids
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8207 -- perfect for your next star party
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8978 -- someday we'll have to explain this to our kids
6.16.2009
6.13.2009
6.09.2009
Some Thought
This life is a hospital where every patient is possessed with the desire to change beds; one man would like to
suffer in front of the stove, and another believes that he would recover his health beside the window.
It always seems to me that I should feel well in the place where I am not -baudelaire
I read that somewhere. It seems so right, but there's something just off about it. I can't put my finger on it, but I don't feel like I'm never satisfied. It's more like I'm not yet satisfied. While that might be only a hair's breadth difference, it feels very important. Perhaps it's that I haven't given up yet. I know that I will be there someday. It isn't a goal that is always far away; I am not chasing the horizon. I am getting better. It would crush me to think that I might never recover. I don't want to think of this human affliction as incurable and only tolerable. Maybe my only difference is my defiant spirit. O! What a difference it is!
6.05.2009
It doesn't feel like depression, but I feel like I'm in a low spot. Low on motivation I suppose.
There's an old thought experiment that goes like this: Supposing money was not an object, and you could do anything you wanted, what would you do? If you were retired, and comfortably living off of an investment, how would you spend your time? The answer is usually something like "pursue hobby X" or "travel to location Y" or even "live out vague, sometimes altruistic, dream Z." Then the experimenter twists it all to say, "then why aren't you doing those things now?"
It's related to the advice, "find a need, and fill it." Find your own need, and fill it. Thus you are happy. Then you have a goal. You want to be a world traveler? Why not go be a world traveler then?
Inspirational? Sometimes. Original? Hardly. Useful? Dubious.
It goes with pithy sayings like: "Just Do It," "Grab life by the horns," "Carpe Diem," "Live each day as if it is your last," and so on.
But they all seem out of touch with reality. One's potential in general is not strictly identical to one's potential at the moment. They offer the motivational energy of a refined sugar, quick kick but short ride with a crash at the end.
My point? No point, really. Just some bitching.
There's an old thought experiment that goes like this: Supposing money was not an object, and you could do anything you wanted, what would you do? If you were retired, and comfortably living off of an investment, how would you spend your time? The answer is usually something like "pursue hobby X" or "travel to location Y" or even "live out vague, sometimes altruistic, dream Z." Then the experimenter twists it all to say, "then why aren't you doing those things now?"
It's related to the advice, "find a need, and fill it." Find your own need, and fill it. Thus you are happy. Then you have a goal. You want to be a world traveler? Why not go be a world traveler then?
Inspirational? Sometimes. Original? Hardly. Useful? Dubious.
It goes with pithy sayings like: "Just Do It," "Grab life by the horns," "Carpe Diem," "Live each day as if it is your last," and so on.
But they all seem out of touch with reality. One's potential in general is not strictly identical to one's potential at the moment. They offer the motivational energy of a refined sugar, quick kick but short ride with a crash at the end.
My point? No point, really. Just some bitching.
6.03.2009
What's wrong with the credit industry?
They say it's a credit crunch that we're in... at least I think I heard someone say that... somewhere. However, the problem isn't that credit card companies don't trust consumers or that consumers don't trust the market. It isn't about failures of automakers, banks, or risky markets (sub-prime, I'm talking to you). It is that credit card companies have been fleecing customers for far too long and have finally weakened the market to such a degree that now everyone is in trouble, who isn't careful.
Take this example I got in the mail today:
It's from First Premier Bank. Never heard of them? Neither had I.
They say:
Wow, what a great deal! They even offer 9.9% APR on all purchases. They claim that this is one of the lowest rates available. Hmm, let's see what the initial disclosure says... 9.9% APR on purchases... goes up to 19.9% if I don't pay on time... fees include: $29 Account Set Up Fee, $95 Program Fee, $48 Annual Fee, $84 Monthly Servicing Fee (billed monthly), $25 fee every time they increase your credit limit, $3.95 Internet Access Fee... that sounds like a lot. The break down is this:
If you are approved, you get a minimum of $250 credit limit. Minus the fees put on the card before you use it... that's $71 dollars left. If you check your account online that's $67.05 of your $250 left... so they just spent $182.95 just to have the card. wow. That's 73% of your credit line used to get the card.
What's wrong with this picture? Who is this card marketed toward again? People with "less-than-perfect credit." They are the ones that need to be using up 73% of their available unsecured credit limit. This card would actually hurt their credit score, just by owning the card.
What a joke. It's hard to see how this kind of marketing is legal.
(btw, what does "first premier" mean? Can there be a second premier?)
Take this example I got in the mail today:
It's from First Premier Bank. Never heard of them? Neither had I.
They say:
Dear Stephen Murphy,
Apply for your Platinum MasterCard card from First PREMIER Bank. Just use Confirmation #: 142 739 *** *** and visit www.60SecondPremier.com to get your credit response in 60 seconds.
Because we know that bad things happen to good people, First PREMIER Bank had created this card for those with less-than-perfect credit. So even if you've been turned down in the past, don't let that stop you.
Use your card anywhere MasterCard cards are accepted. And if you ever have questions, account access by phone is available 24/7. Plus, you will receive a credit to your account of 5% on all on-time payments for 12 months.
Wow, what a great deal! They even offer 9.9% APR on all purchases. They claim that this is one of the lowest rates available. Hmm, let's see what the initial disclosure says... 9.9% APR on purchases... goes up to 19.9% if I don't pay on time... fees include: $29 Account Set Up Fee, $95 Program Fee, $48 Annual Fee, $84 Monthly Servicing Fee (billed monthly), $25 fee every time they increase your credit limit, $3.95 Internet Access Fee... that sounds like a lot. The break down is this:
If you are approved, you get a minimum of $250 credit limit. Minus the fees put on the card before you use it... that's $71 dollars left. If you check your account online that's $67.05 of your $250 left... so they just spent $182.95 just to have the card. wow. That's 73% of your credit line used to get the card.
What's wrong with this picture? Who is this card marketed toward again? People with "less-than-perfect credit." They are the ones that need to be using up 73% of their available unsecured credit limit. This card would actually hurt their credit score, just by owning the card.
What a joke. It's hard to see how this kind of marketing is legal.
(btw, what does "first premier" mean? Can there be a second premier?)
6.02.2009
Long Distance Call -- Phoenix
Where to go I had no idea
26.10 was the price to pay
A messed up kid with no ideals at all
I thought those 26.10 I shouldn't give'em away
I remember this young guy died and I took his part
He got far too many stitches on his pretty face
Long time to see but I always thought us two would be serious
I was looking around town, thinking the same as you.
I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more
It's never been like that
It's never been like that
I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more
Where to go I had no idea about it
Most of the people do, they're only doing just fine
I don't wanna stay in place no more, see
Ain't doing well well well, I am only doing just fine
long time no see, long time no say
Got little to tell, I don't say much but I might
Something always told me us two would be serious
I am looking around town, thinking the same as you
I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more
It's never been like that
It's never been like that
I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more
Long time no see... Long time no say...
6.01.2009
Mike and Sara's Wedding
I've been gone for a while. I took a week off from work and inadvertently took a week off from the internet.
Mike and Sara's wedding was awesome. Decorations: awesome. Food: awesome. Drinks: awesome. People: awesome. Venue: awesome. Conversations: awesome. Weather: awesome. Am I missing anything? Well, just assume it was awesome as well.
The past week as given me a lot to think about and a lot of that will come out here. I have the posts future dated, so they should just pour out over the next week or so.
Mike and Sara's wedding was awesome. Decorations: awesome. Food: awesome. Drinks: awesome. People: awesome. Venue: awesome. Conversations: awesome. Weather: awesome. Am I missing anything? Well, just assume it was awesome as well.
The past week as given me a lot to think about and a lot of that will come out here. I have the posts future dated, so they should just pour out over the next week or so.
5.20.2009
5.19.2009
Re-entry into LAS
To quote:
May 19, 2009
Dear Stephen Murphy,
Your application for Fall 2009 re-entry to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has been reviewed and approved into Mathematics. We are pleased with your continuing interest in the University and hope that you will find this new opportunity to be both beneficial and productive. In order to ensure your progress in meeting degree requirements, the following conditions are made upon your re-entry:
1. You must elect and complete a minimum of 12 hours in the Fall 2009 term with a minimum GPA of 2.5
2. You must meet with a Mathematics academic advisor to select appropriate courses for Fall 2009 term
3. You must meet with an Admissions Records Officer in 270 Lincoln Hall to review degree requirements
4. You must meet with Cory Ohms or Dean Ramirez-Fernandez by August 28th, 2009 and by the 8th week of the Fall 2009 term
Your Expected Graduation Date (EGD) is: Spring 2010 . That is the final term for which you will be authorized to enroll for the purpose of completing requirements for a degree from this College.
May 19, 2009
Dear Stephen Murphy,
Your application for Fall 2009 re-entry to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has been reviewed and approved into Mathematics. We are pleased with your continuing interest in the University and hope that you will find this new opportunity to be both beneficial and productive. In order to ensure your progress in meeting degree requirements, the following conditions are made upon your re-entry:
1. You must elect and complete a minimum of 12 hours in the Fall 2009 term with a minimum GPA of 2.5
2. You must meet with a Mathematics academic advisor to select appropriate courses for Fall 2009 term
3. You must meet with an Admissions Records Officer in 270 Lincoln Hall to review degree requirements
4. You must meet with Cory Ohms or Dean Ramirez-Fernandez by August 28th, 2009 and by the 8th week of the Fall 2009 term
Your Expected Graduation Date (EGD) is: Spring 2010 . That is the final term for which you will be authorized to enroll for the purpose of completing requirements for a degree from this College.
the weekend
First off, it seems that I've been sleeping over 12 hours a day on average. I'm not sure if this is good or bad... but it feels good.
Secondly, I still don't like Suze Orman. So what if she called out some guy for saying that all women should be barefoot and pregnant. He said it in the early 80's and I'm pretty sure that he wasn't the only one thinking or saying it in the early 80's. Grow up.
Thirdly, I really like big lists of names so I can find the shortest and longest names. I gave up trying to find the longest graduate because the font wasn't monospace. But the shortest is a tie among a handful of 5 letter people (first and last). One person could have been 4 letters, but s/he included a middle name.
Lastly, I noticed that I happened to attend the following people's graduation:
(in the order of the program)
Julie K. Mahieu
Richard L. Neumann
Colleen Elizabeth Hussey
Frances S. Levy
Allison Harden (obviously, I was there to see her graduate)
Rachel A. Leddy
Meredith R. Wieck
Anna Kelner
Brett McGuire
Michael Heimbuch
Aditya Gupta
Aubrey Elaine Lutz
So, that's pretty cool. I wish them all great futures and whatnot.
Also:
Daniel Abong Ogwal
James S. Kyung
Anna Maria Puchalski
Ellora Sen-Gupta
Cheryl Krugel
Amanda Jane Moschel
all graduated, but they had the late ceremony...
So, congraduation to them, too.
Secondly, I still don't like Suze Orman. So what if she called out some guy for saying that all women should be barefoot and pregnant. He said it in the early 80's and I'm pretty sure that he wasn't the only one thinking or saying it in the early 80's. Grow up.
Thirdly, I really like big lists of names so I can find the shortest and longest names. I gave up trying to find the longest graduate because the font wasn't monospace. But the shortest is a tie among a handful of 5 letter people (first and last). One person could have been 4 letters, but s/he included a middle name.
Lastly, I noticed that I happened to attend the following people's graduation:
(in the order of the program)
Julie K. Mahieu
Richard L. Neumann
Colleen Elizabeth Hussey
Frances S. Levy
Allison Harden (obviously, I was there to see her graduate)
Rachel A. Leddy
Meredith R. Wieck
Anna Kelner
Brett McGuire
Michael Heimbuch
Aditya Gupta
Aubrey Elaine Lutz
So, that's pretty cool. I wish them all great futures and whatnot.
Also:
Daniel Abong Ogwal
James S. Kyung
Anna Maria Puchalski
Ellora Sen-Gupta
Cheryl Krugel
Amanda Jane Moschel
all graduated, but they had the late ceremony...
So, congraduation to them, too.
5.14.2009
Negativity
I've noticed that I've been really focused on negativity lately. Lately meaning since the beginning of April, but it's been growing. I can point to a lot of sources of negativity, but I'd rather find a way out from under it. I'm hoping that taking out the stress of the petition will help and Truck is running better, but I want to solve the problem.
I've been asking God to show me what He wants for me. I've been trying to align my life with His will, but I don't feel like I have any strong clues. Just before I left for college, my mom asked me what I wanted my major to be. I told her that I didn't really know. She asked me if I felt any calling from God. I told her that I had not, but I'd prayed about it. She then asked what I liked. I replied that I liked math, science, technology, creating... But math was the one commonality I saw in everything I enjoyed. She said, "that is because it is your calling. God has been preparing for your life for His whole life." I really felt the truth of that. However, I'm wary of trying out a self-fulfilling prophecy of "if it is, then it's meant to be."
See, I thought that God wanted me to be with Rachel forever. I thought that I was with her because it was what He wanted. I also thought I was supposed to marry Rebecca. I thought it was what He wanted. What I'm beginning to see is that God wanted me to be where I was, but He obviously didn't want me to stay there. That being said, I have a hard time understanding what it is that He is trying to show me. I don't get it. I think it's important and that it's somehow related to my calling... but I'm not there yet.
Unfortunately, Dad prays that God will keep me in whatever situation in life I'm in at least long enough to learn what He has for me to learn. So, I'm likely to flounder for a while...
---
on a different note:
Try this out. The beginning is nice, but if you get bored with it, jump to 42:45 (that's about when track 11 starts) and listen there again. It's nice. I like it.
I've been asking God to show me what He wants for me. I've been trying to align my life with His will, but I don't feel like I have any strong clues. Just before I left for college, my mom asked me what I wanted my major to be. I told her that I didn't really know. She asked me if I felt any calling from God. I told her that I had not, but I'd prayed about it. She then asked what I liked. I replied that I liked math, science, technology, creating... But math was the one commonality I saw in everything I enjoyed. She said, "that is because it is your calling. God has been preparing for your life for His whole life." I really felt the truth of that. However, I'm wary of trying out a self-fulfilling prophecy of "if it is, then it's meant to be."
See, I thought that God wanted me to be with Rachel forever. I thought that I was with her because it was what He wanted. I also thought I was supposed to marry Rebecca. I thought it was what He wanted. What I'm beginning to see is that God wanted me to be where I was, but He obviously didn't want me to stay there. That being said, I have a hard time understanding what it is that He is trying to show me. I don't get it. I think it's important and that it's somehow related to my calling... but I'm not there yet.
Unfortunately, Dad prays that God will keep me in whatever situation in life I'm in at least long enough to learn what He has for me to learn. So, I'm likely to flounder for a while...
---
on a different note:
Try this out. The beginning is nice, but if you get bored with it, jump to 42:45 (that's about when track 11 starts) and listen there again. It's nice. I like it.
5.13.2009
Maybe it's that time of year
I've always said that if I had my degree I'd still be doing what I'm doing. However, I don't really think that's true anymore. I'm in Champaign because I don't have my degree. That's the only reason.
By this time next year I will have plans to be somewhere else. Perhaps it will be back to South Africa to polish off a Master's Degree. Perhaps it will be the West Coast, for good.
The more I look at Illinois, the less I see for myself in the long run. True, I have many friends here. True, I will miss them. True, I'm terrified to leave, especially alone.
It's been a year since my engagement failed. What a year it has been. On that day, a year ago, I realized that I wasn't going to Oregon. And in the year since, I've been happiest when I was out West or in South Africa. My eyes are drawn to the ocean, always.
This must come with the caveat that a lot can happen in a year. I've learned this the hard way. Just remember that "[my life is] my disaster friend, not yours."
By this time next year I will have plans to be somewhere else. Perhaps it will be back to South Africa to polish off a Master's Degree. Perhaps it will be the West Coast, for good.
The more I look at Illinois, the less I see for myself in the long run. True, I have many friends here. True, I will miss them. True, I'm terrified to leave, especially alone.
It's been a year since my engagement failed. What a year it has been. On that day, a year ago, I realized that I wasn't going to Oregon. And in the year since, I've been happiest when I was out West or in South Africa. My eyes are drawn to the ocean, always.
This must come with the caveat that a lot can happen in a year. I've learned this the hard way. Just remember that "[my life is] my disaster friend, not yours."
5.08.2009
Rachel Leddy
Wow, I haven't seen that girl in... I know not how long. But I saw her today while I was driving home from AutoZone. Lincoln and Green, the site of many moments of my life. At 10:23 no less.
She's not someone I think about everyday, but when I do, I have a plethora of memories to choose from.
I've never had a partner for any board game that was as good as she was.
I'm glad I knew her, but I still regret the ways I treated her and that I ruined that friendship. I hope she's doing well and still sings.
In retrospect, she had the best handwriting of anyone I've known.
If you ever meet Rachel Leddy, consider yourself lucky... I do.
She's not someone I think about everyday, but when I do, I have a plethora of memories to choose from.
I've never had a partner for any board game that was as good as she was.
I'm glad I knew her, but I still regret the ways I treated her and that I ruined that friendship. I hope she's doing well and still sings.
In retrospect, she had the best handwriting of anyone I've known.
If you ever meet Rachel Leddy, consider yourself lucky... I do.
5.06.2009
belated
I wrote something profound, but the internet was not cooperating when I was ready to post it.
Here it is:
I've talked before about "right action at cusp." The problem I've had with it is that I keep trying to figure out what the right action is before the cusp so that I am prepared. I also try, at cusp, to figure out why an action is the right one.
These things fail. Beforehand, there are many theories about right action and many more that contradict each other. Thus, one line of thought bleeds into another line of thought and I end up with the idea that either action is right. But, this contradicts the principle of Right Action at Cusp. There is one action which is better than the others. There cannot be a tie. So, I'm left to either conclude that there is no such thing as Right Action at Cusp or that I need to keep looking.
However, I've found that I'm missing the point. AT CUSP. Not before. Right Action at Cusp is a question of Quality (cf Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). Thus, it is not predicted by Classical thinking. Right Action is a question of the soul and of the moment.
This is why the in situ analysis fails. "Why is action X the Right Action and action Y is not, for this particular cusp?" This question has nearly no meaning. Right Action is Right Action because it is Right Action.
--Thanks, Professor Murphy, but where's the punchline?
Valentine Michael Smith does not stretch his time sense so that he can think about what Right Action is, he does this to allow Right Action to become a part of him.
Either you have Right Action at Cusp, or you do not. However, try. Keep trying.
Just remember that waiting is. Waiting is.
Here it is:
I've talked before about "right action at cusp." The problem I've had with it is that I keep trying to figure out what the right action is before the cusp so that I am prepared. I also try, at cusp, to figure out why an action is the right one.
These things fail. Beforehand, there are many theories about right action and many more that contradict each other. Thus, one line of thought bleeds into another line of thought and I end up with the idea that either action is right. But, this contradicts the principle of Right Action at Cusp. There is one action which is better than the others. There cannot be a tie. So, I'm left to either conclude that there is no such thing as Right Action at Cusp or that I need to keep looking.
However, I've found that I'm missing the point. AT CUSP. Not before. Right Action at Cusp is a question of Quality (cf Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). Thus, it is not predicted by Classical thinking. Right Action is a question of the soul and of the moment.
This is why the in situ analysis fails. "Why is action X the Right Action and action Y is not, for this particular cusp?" This question has nearly no meaning. Right Action is Right Action because it is Right Action.
--Thanks, Professor Murphy, but where's the punchline?
Valentine Michael Smith does not stretch his time sense so that he can think about what Right Action is, he does this to allow Right Action to become a part of him.
Either you have Right Action at Cusp, or you do not. However, try. Keep trying.
Just remember that waiting is. Waiting is.
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