6.28.2010
9.29.2009
Autumn
I should address the fact that it is Autumn. I have spent more Autumns outside of the country in which I was born than inside of it. Autumn is the season of my date of birth. Autumn has always been filled to the brim with joy and sorrow. Autumn is here and I'm dreading the sorrow that will undoubtedly come. Last year I spent Autumn basking in Spring, and that did not succeed in keeping sorrow at bay.
Lord, protect me.
Lord, protect me.
9.10.2009
9.02.2009
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
To say something, anything, costs little. It can be as easy as a lie. But it is so much more complicated than considering what the "truth" is and what the words were. It isn't an easy subtraction where the ideal is that they are equal.
What is the truth? Is there a lie?
Is there truth? It's a complicated situation. The woman's question might not be only what it specifically asks. The man's answer might only answer the question he perceived that she was really asking. Or he might just be answering by reflex.
The problem is that we cannot tap into reality through our words with 100% fidelity.
Consider the words: "I love you." Do the words cause the reality or does the reality cause the words? The real answer is that neither is the case. It is possible to love with those words. One could say the words in the desperate hope that they are true. One could straight up lie about it. One could love but feel incapable of saying the words.
Sometimes it's important to say the words. Sometimes it's important for the reality to be there. But the words and the reality do not have any connection whatsoever except in the mind of the speaker and of the listener.
We deal with this by cutting up the words. Love, love, luv, <3, heart, lurve, and l-bomb are not all the same thing. But only because we're talking about different things. What we talk about and what is about us are as different as schooling and education.
I need people to trust me, to trust in me, and to be trusted by me. I also need people to express trust and trustworthiness. I know that they are different and I listen for them differently.
I will try one more way of talking about this because it still feels so muddled.
I stand at bus stops and sometimes say, "Here's the bus!" Sometimes I say that and the bus is in front of me. Sometimes I say that and the bus is not. Sometimes I say that and the bus then pulls up. Sometimes I forget to say it and the bus arrives anyway. Sometimes I just need to hear that the bus has arrived. Sometimes I just need to get on the bus. Sometimes I need the reminder that the bus is here so that I can get on the bus.
Furthermore, sometimes I just walk around saying, "Here's the bus!"
Woman: Does this make me look fat?
Man: No.
What is the truth? Is there a lie?
Is there truth? It's a complicated situation. The woman's question might not be only what it specifically asks. The man's answer might only answer the question he perceived that she was really asking. Or he might just be answering by reflex.
The problem is that we cannot tap into reality through our words with 100% fidelity.
Consider the words: "I love you." Do the words cause the reality or does the reality cause the words? The real answer is that neither is the case. It is possible to love with those words. One could say the words in the desperate hope that they are true. One could straight up lie about it. One could love but feel incapable of saying the words.
Sometimes it's important to say the words. Sometimes it's important for the reality to be there. But the words and the reality do not have any connection whatsoever except in the mind of the speaker and of the listener.
We deal with this by cutting up the words. Love, love, luv, <3, heart, lurve, and l-bomb are not all the same thing. But only because we're talking about different things. What we talk about and what is about us are as different as schooling and education.
I need people to trust me, to trust in me, and to be trusted by me. I also need people to express trust and trustworthiness. I know that they are different and I listen for them differently.
I will try one more way of talking about this because it still feels so muddled.
I stand at bus stops and sometimes say, "Here's the bus!" Sometimes I say that and the bus is in front of me. Sometimes I say that and the bus is not. Sometimes I say that and the bus then pulls up. Sometimes I forget to say it and the bus arrives anyway. Sometimes I just need to hear that the bus has arrived. Sometimes I just need to get on the bus. Sometimes I need the reminder that the bus is here so that I can get on the bus.
Furthermore, sometimes I just walk around saying, "Here's the bus!"
8.27.2009
Habari gani?
Salama tu. Mostly.
This guy tells an interesting story that I wasn't really aware of. I don't think it's particularly rampant but I'm glad I've read it.
Kiswahili is going very well. As tired as I was today, Kiswahili perked me up for the day. RLST is also very very good.
Scott Miller is someone I've recently discovered. I like it. It makes me think of those Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Some lyrics:
Also good:
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Miike Snow - Animal
The Virgins - Rich Girls
This guy tells an interesting story that I wasn't really aware of. I don't think it's particularly rampant but I'm glad I've read it.
Kiswahili is going very well. As tired as I was today, Kiswahili perked me up for the day. RLST is also very very good.
Scott Miller is someone I've recently discovered. I like it. It makes me think of those Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Some lyrics:
SIN IN INDIANA
Henry Streator owns this town
Parks on the sidewalk and he beats men down
His wife was pictured in a magazine
He brought her over from the Philippines
You can see her about five o’clock
On the hood of his car on the town sidewalk..
Well it starts in Minnesota as a tiny stream
Then its rolling like a river down in New Orleans
Sin in Indiana: It’s a powerful thing.
Chalmers Wolcott is the biggest liar
Drinks bottled water but can still breathe fire
Got half a finger but he’s twice as mean
As a Boilermaker on amphetamines
He’s a deacon down at the church
And there’s porn on the corn so there’ plenty of work.
Magnolia Hempstead could not stop
Eating popcorn when she was high on pot
She kept on chewing until her teeth were gone
The dentist made some out of cut limestone
You can always tell she’s been around
Because there’s tombstones growing where she spits in the ground
Also good:
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Miike Snow - Animal
The Virgins - Rich Girls
8.18.2009
One-Way Round Trip
So, this past weekend Dad drove up to give me a ride to Springfield. There, at 0921, I flew to Chicago. At the 604, I boarded a plane bound for Denver, Colorado. Waiting for me in Denver was a plane going to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. At 1604, in OKC, Mom and Gracie picked me up and we drove to Charleston, arriving at 2345 the next day.
That's about 1500 miles flying, 675 miles driving, and approx. 3 hours of a crying 13 mo. old.
---
School starts next week. I'm pretty stoked for it. Tomorrow I'm going to get my textbooks out of storage, get some school supplies, and begin planning my success. : )
---
Rustoleum dry erase paint is pretty cool. I bought one kit and painted the top 3 feet of 4 door surfaces and 2 2'x4' hard boards. This yields 49 square feet of dry erase surface. It's pretty good, but doesn't erase as well as I would like. However, the expo dry erase board cleaner does a great job of cleaning it. If I had it to do over, I would have primed the doors with something off-white and sanded them glass smooth. My plan is to screw the 2'x4's to the wall. One will hang horizontally and the other vertically. I'm very excited about all of this space as I have already filled my 3'x2' board.
That's about 1500 miles flying, 675 miles driving, and approx. 3 hours of a crying 13 mo. old.
---
School starts next week. I'm pretty stoked for it. Tomorrow I'm going to get my textbooks out of storage, get some school supplies, and begin planning my success. : )
---
Rustoleum dry erase paint is pretty cool. I bought one kit and painted the top 3 feet of 4 door surfaces and 2 2'x4' hard boards. This yields 49 square feet of dry erase surface. It's pretty good, but doesn't erase as well as I would like. However, the expo dry erase board cleaner does a great job of cleaning it. If I had it to do over, I would have primed the doors with something off-white and sanded them glass smooth. My plan is to screw the 2'x4's to the wall. One will hang horizontally and the other vertically. I'm very excited about all of this space as I have already filled my 3'x2' board.
8.06.2009
zero sum
I'm registered for classes now. I'm taking Math 463, English 114, and Swahili 201. It's 12 credit hours and I feel very good about my course selections. Probability and Statistics will undoubtedly be the hardest class, but I have no choice but to do well in it. The Bible as Literature is taught by a professor I've had before, whom I liked, so I feel confident about it. Elementary Swahili is a class that I previously enrolled in, but didn't finish because I withdrew that semester. These classes should give my brain some well rounded exercise.
I did not get the WAL position.
Win some, lose some... right? Yes and no. I'm glad Allison got the position because now I don't have to deal with any feelings of guilt. After all, I have thought that she should have been a manager for the last 2 years. However, that does little to abate my feelings disappointment, crushed expectation, and failure.
But we couldn't both come out as winners. One must lose in order for the other to win. There is no stalemate, draw, or other outcome. Given that, I'm glad I lost. I cannot stomach winning at the expense of someone I care about in things that matter. True games are another matter.
Or maybe that's just my excuse for being better at true games than at the ones that matter...
I did not get the WAL position.
Win some, lose some... right? Yes and no. I'm glad Allison got the position because now I don't have to deal with any feelings of guilt. After all, I have thought that she should have been a manager for the last 2 years. However, that does little to abate my feelings disappointment, crushed expectation, and failure.
But we couldn't both come out as winners. One must lose in order for the other to win. There is no stalemate, draw, or other outcome. Given that, I'm glad I lost. I cannot stomach winning at the expense of someone I care about in things that matter. True games are another matter.
Or maybe that's just my excuse for being better at true games than at the ones that matter...
7.27.2009
Update
- Made it to the final four of the WAL interviews. That's good.
- Went to a bachelor party in indi on saturday. That was off the hook. I cut someone's shoe in half.
- I'll have my university bill paid in 24 hours. That will allow me to register for classes.
- I bought a truck for $200 last week. It will be good for parts or as a project vehicle.
- I've had some real and honest conversation with Allison. That has allowed me to feel safer and more secure.
- I went to a strip club for the first time. Wow. Just wow.
7.21.2009
7.16.2009
7.15.2009
7.07.2009
Just a Taste
Oh, Howzit? I went up to Chicago for Fourth of July and/or Taste of Chicago and/or to visit Mike and Sara and/or to sight see Chi-Town. It was lots and lots of fun. Allison and I took the train up and Mike brought us to his new apartment via the L. [I like to call it el L; no one else likes this.] Their apartment is very nice. It has much character and lots of angles.
On the 4th it rained so we went to the Taste. Turns out the rain was a good thing as it kept the crowds and heat away. The food was quite good, if expensive. That night we attended a party held by M&S's landlord/downstairs neighbor. It really a lot of fun. I met new people and even met a former Peace Corps participant who lived in Moldova for 2 years! She was there 04 to 06, while I was there during the 97-98 school year. O! The Stories!
The 5th was M&S's last day to move out of storage, so they did that while Allison and I explored the City. It was fun to just walk around, talk, gawk, and see. We thought about doing the Sear's Tower, what with the new glass thingy, but lines were too long. Besides, we thought, it will still be there next time. Instead we toured Millennium Park and Navy Pier. All of the walking took its toll and we packed it in around 1830/1900. Seven or eight hours of walking, however. The day winded down with pizza from... some place I can't remember right now. [it was good... very good... like, I-want-some-right-now good...] Along with the pizza was Role Models and Knocked Up. Role Models was very funny, very good. Knocked Up was... eh. Personal issues aside, it was too jumpy plot-wise. It was also not funny enough to cover up the jumpiness and not sappy enough to explain the lack of humor.
We came home on the 6th, via Amtrak. There were no seats together, but there were four terribly behaved children with parents who slept rather than modified the behavior of their children. Oh well.
Work last night was the first with pigtails. ugh. I'll put up a picture later for those who have no idea what I'm talking about.
This weekend was very good. Allison and I talked a lot about our relationship, its future, our individual futures, our hopes, dreams, expectations.... all that crap. We both came away feeling better, I think... at least, I feel better. : )
On the 4th it rained so we went to the Taste. Turns out the rain was a good thing as it kept the crowds and heat away. The food was quite good, if expensive. That night we attended a party held by M&S's landlord/downstairs neighbor. It really a lot of fun. I met new people and even met a former Peace Corps participant who lived in Moldova for 2 years! She was there 04 to 06, while I was there during the 97-98 school year. O! The Stories!
The 5th was M&S's last day to move out of storage, so they did that while Allison and I explored the City. It was fun to just walk around, talk, gawk, and see. We thought about doing the Sear's Tower, what with the new glass thingy, but lines were too long. Besides, we thought, it will still be there next time. Instead we toured Millennium Park and Navy Pier. All of the walking took its toll and we packed it in around 1830/1900. Seven or eight hours of walking, however. The day winded down with pizza from... some place I can't remember right now. [it was good... very good... like, I-want-some-right-now good...] Along with the pizza was Role Models and Knocked Up. Role Models was very funny, very good. Knocked Up was... eh. Personal issues aside, it was too jumpy plot-wise. It was also not funny enough to cover up the jumpiness and not sappy enough to explain the lack of humor.
We came home on the 6th, via Amtrak. There were no seats together, but there were four terribly behaved children with parents who slept rather than modified the behavior of their children. Oh well.
Work last night was the first with pigtails. ugh. I'll put up a picture later for those who have no idea what I'm talking about.
This weekend was very good. Allison and I talked a lot about our relationship, its future, our individual futures, our hopes, dreams, expectations.... all that crap. We both came away feeling better, I think... at least, I feel better. : )
6.30.2009
Barbara Grace Murphy
I attended a baptism on Sunday. It was at a Lutheran church. The sermon featured Mark 5:22-43. The pastor had some interesting insights on it. For example, there is a theme of non-traditional Christian thought in the woman believing that touching that which is holy will make her holy. It is also present in the fact that Mark records the Aramaic that Jesus speaks when He heals the girl. The power of Christ is not in the hem of His garment or in the words He spoke. But Jesus doesn't really seem to care. He is more concerned with healing and whatnot to focus on correcting how they practice their religion. It was very refreshing to hear that message in a church.
Afterward, Allison and I went to the STL Science Center. I love the science center... like a lot. We watched Wild Ocean which is about the Wild Coast of South Africa. It was such a joy to see rondovals again. Watching the Omnimax and then coming home and seeing the stars just now reminded me of the absolute wonder I felt as I looked to the sky and saw no constellations that I recognized. Doing some research I found Orion. But in the Southern Hemisphere, Orion is upside-down. It may not seem like a big deal, but it completely floored me at the time.
Afterward, Allison and I went to the STL Science Center. I love the science center... like a lot. We watched Wild Ocean which is about the Wild Coast of South Africa. It was such a joy to see rondovals again. Watching the Omnimax and then coming home and seeing the stars just now reminded me of the absolute wonder I felt as I looked to the sky and saw no constellations that I recognized. Doing some research I found Orion. But in the Southern Hemisphere, Orion is upside-down. It may not seem like a big deal, but it completely floored me at the time.
6.29.2009
Laura Dun Got Hitched!
So, Laura is now married. Now there is only Laura Pullen. That's weird. The wedding was very nice and very dry. Venues were tasteful and enjoyable. The music was very nice... very Laura. : ) Rachel sang. It was good to hear her sing again. She also gave a speech that was well done.
I had a lot of fun sitting with Cat, David, Lucy and some other people. Mike and Jeff were no shows. They had moving stuff to take care of.
It used to feel strange to be not married. I think that was because I had been preparing myself for it for so long. Now there isn't really any kind of feeling about it at all.
Luckily no one was able to tell that I had a head injury. It's healing quite well. The knot is much smaller than it was at the wedding. Still no real pain from the injury and no headaches. I'm quite lucky in that regard.
I had a lot of fun sitting with Cat, David, Lucy and some other people. Mike and Jeff were no shows. They had moving stuff to take care of.
It used to feel strange to be not married. I think that was because I had been preparing myself for it for so long. Now there isn't really any kind of feeling about it at all.
Luckily no one was able to tell that I had a head injury. It's healing quite well. The knot is much smaller than it was at the wedding. Still no real pain from the injury and no headaches. I'm quite lucky in that regard.
6.26.2009
6.19.2009
6.17.2009
w00t, shirts!
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8681 -- clever and cute
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8207 -- perfect for your next star party
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8978 -- someday we'll have to explain this to our kids
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8207 -- perfect for your next star party
http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=8978 -- someday we'll have to explain this to our kids
6.16.2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
